i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
