VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I love having hate sex.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
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