if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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