I'm going to rape someone's good day.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
