my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I just want nice things and good sex
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
sex in a hospital.. check
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
