Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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