I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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