I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I AM VODKA MAN
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
