You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
