Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
