I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
