My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
