I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
