I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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