all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
My life is pants optional.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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