Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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