I want to walk on stilts...naked
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
