Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
