I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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