i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
