It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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