im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
