My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
