I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize