I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I deserve this hangover.
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