Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Pants are for mortals
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
