if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
