Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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