i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
