Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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