It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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