well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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