Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
