Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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