I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
