I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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