it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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