so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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