been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
