we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize