mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i drank out of a bidet.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
