His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
