Need sex. Gaining weight.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
