My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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