Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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