every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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