genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
my shit smells like andre
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
It's shark week go big or go home
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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