if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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