Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
