he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize