It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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