Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I booty called her while she was in labor.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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