I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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