i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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