you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
