last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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