I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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