DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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