they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
