the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
well you can't waste a boner
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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