how can u be prego again
i barfeds in our rink
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
