hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
im holly from the hills drunk
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
