It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
