i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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