I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
