it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
