My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
