Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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