found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
