I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
