tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
