eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
