i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
