I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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