Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
