I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
What drink are we having for lunch?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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