Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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