I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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