hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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