you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
