just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
