so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
