I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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