If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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