If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
All the doctor said was why
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
