3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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