i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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