So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
