where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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