i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
