I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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