New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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