If i come over, it means nothing
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
