By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Randomize
