i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
