Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
