My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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