Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
