that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
