dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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